bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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