Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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