I look better un-naked...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
