So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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