I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
