imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
