well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
