Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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