I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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