the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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