just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
