Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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