Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
