I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
