the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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