Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
