I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
