Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
