Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
