Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
