don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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