So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize