Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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