I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
