Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
