we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
