i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
