I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Randomize
