jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
