honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
