i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
