i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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