I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
