oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
