sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
