we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
