I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
