Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
