i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
