Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
