you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
