my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
