Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
