Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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