forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
