I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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