"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
