Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
