someone owes me an orgasm
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
