Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
