That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
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I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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