I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize