I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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