He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
