I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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