Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
