my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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