i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize