If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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