he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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