Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
