so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize