so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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