So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
