I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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