wanna go halves on a baby?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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