made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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