The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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