Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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