I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
