We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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