Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
