just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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