I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
