true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
