Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
