I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His nipple licking is glorious
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