My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
