they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
