that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
