So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
