I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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