yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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