Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
